Making the Band
by caitizzles
Summary: Scorpius starts a band to steal Albus’ ladies. He gets other stuff, like a headache, instead. AS/S.


**Author's Note: **This was written for The Ass Fest over on livejournal. The recipient was Serenityrages and I focused mostly on the prompt of musician!Scorpius. Enjoy!

Albus was incredibly good at Quidditch and Scorpius found this, on occasion, really lame. It was great when Al was winning the House Cup for Slytherin five years in a row and making all the other houses weep with the misery of their complete and utter humiliation. Scorpius loved that. It only happened once a year, though. And, yeah, watching Albus fly could be a real thrill, but everyone else in the whole school enjoyed it, as well. Scorpius couldn't muster the same enthusiasm for it when everyone else was screaming and dropping their jaws in awe. He hated being a part of the drooling masses.

Al also had practice an insane amount during the week. Any given week he would be on the pitch upwards of 10 hours, and forget about it if they had a match coming up. He would be lucky if he saw his best friend at a meal and really he wasn't lucky at all because Scorpius was always the one who had to clean up the mess when Al collapsed into his porridge because of exhaustion.

All of these things were dreadful, but the most offensive of them all was that Al and Scorpius were the greatest of friends, but these days hardly anyone would be able to tell if they glanced at the Slytherin table during any meal, or gave the pair a cursory glance in most classes. Or even a careful glance. It used to be that a passerby would find Scorpius preparing diligently for the upcoming lesson while Albus was chattering away at him about some irrelevant thing or another. All the way up through fifth year you would find them doing these two activities in the way back of any given classroom, right next to each other, regardless of the fact that neither of the boys gave two fiddlesticks if the other was paying him any attention. They were just best friends, and they had their routine. No longer, however. Now there was a huge, massive barrier between them similar in size and strength to the Great Wall of China. But, no, this wall was not composed of stones and wood and bricks. It was composed entirely of giggling, eyelash batting, simpering girls. Scorpius had calculated this flowery scented obstruction to be approximately 47.3 times more impenetrable.

They flocked around Albus, all clamoring for a smile or a greeting or some other insignificant moment of recognition. The display would often render Scorpius entirely incapable of preparing for class in his usual industrious manner. To merely keep from strangling the nearest student he would have to take each of his textbooks, one by one, and take great care to drop them onto his desk from unnecessary heights. Not to mention all the interruptive coughs and not so gentle tossing of an elbow into the nearest body. No matter how great a racket he made, however, he was often entirely ineffective in disturbing the rabble.

To make matters worse, Albus could hardly handle all the attention. There were just blushes and awkward smiles and it made everything so much worse because every smile he gave out was another girl who thought she had a chance. No one ever got turned down, so no one ever gave up and pretty soon Scorpius was going to have to sit in the Greenhouse during Potions because of all the girls who'd snuck their chair between his and his best friend's.

Scorpius had had enough. He wanted his best friend back. It was time for a plan.

x x x

Scorpius had found Albus in the common room working on the Astronomy assignment that Scorpius had completed a week prior. For a moment he was deterred from making his announcement with the desire to help Al get his work done (he had attended four practices this week, after all) but then decided the stars could wait.

"I'm going to start a band."

Albus stopped writing and looked up at Scorpius. He was quiet and his eyebrows were knitted together. Scorpius thought that Albus had great eyebrows. His own were barely visible, but Albus' were dark and expressive. Currently they were expressing something along the lines of 'Why are you saying these words to me? They make no sense.' but Scorpius figured if he gave his best friend a few minutes he'd be able to figure it out on his own. Sure enough, within seconds Al was bubbling with questions and criticisms (both being entirely unsolicited, but somewhat anticipated).

"You don't play an instrument. We don't know anyone who plays an instrument. You need several of those types of people to start a band." Albus was now smiling and looking at Scorpius like he was totally crazy but also like he didn't mind a bit.

"I am touched by your concern, but, really, I've thought it through. I'm going to be the lead singer."

"You can sing?"

"Well enough, anyway. It's not about my voice, exactly, I've got the perfect look for that sort of thing. I've certainly got the lead singer personality."

"A giant ego? A fondness for overly tight pants? A visible rib cage?"

"Oh, very funny." Scorpius punctuated his lack of amusement with a flick to Albus' forehead. "But, yeah. Those and more," he said with a smile.

"Well you don't need my permission. Go ahead and start one."

"I wasn't asking for your permission, you wanker. I just figured it would polite of me to let you know in advance that your reign as Hogwart's resident lady killer is about to come to an abrupt halt."

"You're doing this to get girls?" Scorpius actually didn't give a monkey's nut about getting girls, at least not for any sort of personal gain. But it was important Albus and the rest of the school remained under that assumption if he was going to get his best friend back. And, really, would it be so terrible to have women fawning over him? Isn't that what every sixteen-year-old boy wanted? Wasn't he killing two birds with one stone? Scorpius was about to mentally shout to himself a resounding 'Most Definitely!' but then he remembered always having a headache during his classes because of the constant chattering or the girl who had overdone her perfume or the particularly excitable Hufflepuff who had accidentally spilled her ink all over Scorpius' incredibly detailed History of Magic notes when Al had asked to borrow her quill.

Scorpius wanted to sigh dramatically. He had a long and treacherous path ahead of him. This was his plan, however, and he had to follow through, no matter how potentially nauseating. "Well I simply cannot keep up with your lady snatching abilities when I don't have something as financially promising as a future of Quidditch stardom to help me along. In the competitive world of teenage dating, wit and charm and absurdly good looks simply don't cut it. In fact, judging from your popularity, they are entirely irrelevant."

"I think you might just be overestimating your wit and charm. And definitely underestimating my good looks. I'm rather handsome."

"Says your mother." With that Scorpius exited dramatically. He had a flair for that.

x x x

Albus was walking back from the pitch incredibly slowly. At the rate he was going he would get back to his dorm just in time to get ready for the next morning's classes. Practices had increased ten fold in intensity with the year's final and most important matches fast approaching, and Albus was now wishing he lived in the broom shed so he wouldn't have to carry himself another step further.

The late afternoon was also quite warm, further convincing Al that falling asleep on the grass directly beneath him was by far the best option of the moment. He was thankfully, or perhaps not, jolted into alertness when he saw Scorpius a few hundred meters away under a tree with, of all things, a guitar. Truthfully, it wasn't completely surprising Scorpius had a guitar. He had, after all, told Albus the other day that he was going to start a band. What was surprising, however, was the fact that Scorpius was actually _playing_ the guitar he held. And playing it really well. Albus wanted to run over and get some answers as to how the hell the best friend he had known for 6 years had just mastered the guitar either in secret over the course of their friendship or in the past four days. Al was kind of in awe, though, and he wanted to watch for a bit. Scorpius was leaning against the tree with his head tilted back and his eyes closed. His fingers were moving slowly and effortlessly across the strings. It was totally mesmerizing and Al wasn't sure if it was because he couldn't believe Scorpius was playing the guitar or something else all together.

Finally Al couldn't contain his curiosity any longer and he approached his friend. Once he got close enough his shadow blocked the light, which alerted Scorpius of his arrival. He looked up and smiled, but continued playing.

"You've learned to play the guitar already?"

"Yes, I'm a natural."

Albus dropped down on the blanket Scorpius had lain underneath the tree. He was a little too shocked to respond, so he just enjoyed the music for a few more minutes. Now that he was closer he was able to watch Scorpius' fingers more intently. He had no idea how a guitar worked, and even looking at Scorpius' fingers didn't help him untangle the mysteries of how the sounds he was hearing were being made, but it was compelling to watch nonetheless.

"That's pretty impressive. I can't believe you learned that quickly."

Immediately, Scorpius stopped moving his fingers and snorted. Strangely enough, the strings of the guitar were still vibrating and emitting soft, calming music.

"You dumbarse, of course I haven't learned to play yet." He returned his fingers to the strings and resumed fake-playing. "I am, however, a wizard of considerable talents. I've charmed the guitar to play on it's own."

Albus considered being embarrassed, but instead he just started laughing. "So you weren't just practicing, then?" he managed to get out after his laughter had subsided somewhat.

"Well, I was practicing _something_. I'm pretty good at looking like a sexy guitar player under a tree bathed in the red-gold light of a late afternoon. That took a lot of practice."

x x x

Their first concert was in a month and Scorpius was panicked. He hadn't expected the Headmaster to be so enthused at the idea of letting him hold a concert in the Great Hall. In fact, he had been hoping to get laughed at. That way he could continue to fake-play the guitar under his tree (which, by the way, was quite strategically between the Quidditch pitch and the entrance to the school, and everyday he was able to waylay more Quidditch groupies with soulful baring of his heavy, tortured, broken heart) and if anyone happened to ask when he was planning on having a show he could just gain their further empathies by relating the tale of the malevolent Headmaster's endless oppression of his boundless creativity.

The Headmaster was kind of a hippy, though. Not into the oppression of creativity at all. His eyes had gone starry and there was mention of the possibility of some kind of extended festival involving social harmony and infrequent bathing, but Scorpius had rushed out after a quick (and completely insincere) thanks. Now Scorpius had to perform in one month and he didn't have any songs written. Yesterday, he had been lucky enough to secure two additional band mates (he hadn't even had to resort blackmail) but they still hadn't held a practice together or done any other band like things.

He'd secured a rather brutish Gryffindor named Craig Sparks to play drums. Not only did Craig have a great name for someone in a band but he also actually played the drums, which was something Scorpius hadn't been counting on. Craig also knew of other people in Hogwarts who played instruments and so by late afternoon he also had another guitarist. The Ravenclaw boy had told Scorpius to call him Kicksy, even though Scorpius was pretty sure up until last year the boy had been known as Gene. Scorpius didn't mind at all, however. If the boy had introduced himself as Gene, Scorpius would have undoubtedly attempted to change it to something more suitably bandish, and Kicksy would do just fine.

Now there were only two tasks left, and they included writing some songs and finding the perfect name for the band. Scorpius was rather more intimidated by the latter.

x x x

There had turned out to be a lot more than two tasks left. Scorpius hadn't had any idea what a band actually needed to get off the ground, but apparently it was really important to have someone play bass guitar.

Also, instruments were hardly the only equipment required to play a show. Luckily Craig was well informed in these kinds of things. They decided for now they would need to practice in the Room of Requirement until they figured out how to spell everything extremely loud.

As for a bassist, fortune was on their side and they were approached by one before the end of the week. He was a Hufflepuff named Frank and he was probably the most talented member of the band. He was also very amenable to doing everything Scorpius said, so Scorpius thought he was the greatest thing ever.

Frank looked like he was in a band, also. At least what Scorpius imagined a band member was supposed to look like. He had dark, longish hair that was always covering his eyes, but when you could see his eyes they were blue and intense and Scorpius knew that when they were famous Frank would get at least as much attention as Scorpius himself.

Scorpius also found it amusing that their band comprised one member from each house. It was also kind of lame and cheesy, but probably the perfect kind of thing to create a name for a band, and absolutely great for a bio page.

With two weeks before their first show, Scorpius, Craig, Kicksy and Frank were now known as Four Houses Under One Roof, which Scorpius thought was kind of stupid, but it was way better than Al's suggestion of Slytheravengryffinpuff.

x x x

Scorpius and his band were in the Room of Requirement fighting. They weren't really all that angry but Scorpius encouraged his bandmates to quibble over the smallest of creative differences. It only seemed appropriate.

They had an audience as well. Al usually came and watched band practice and he also usually had four or five girls trailing behind him. This was actually really good for once because the band was already establishing groupies left and right. Al was actually bringing about his own demise, which pleased Scorpius immensely. Every time he brought girls around they inevitably lost interest in Al and became extremely taken with the band. Each girl always had a personal favorite, which sometimes upset Scorpius, because it wasn't always him, but then he realized it was better for his plan anyway. He wasn't going to get to spend anytime with Al if he was always fighting off the masses (even though he knew he would be way better at it than Al was – Al was hopeless).

The current squabble was over song subject matter. Scorpius thought it didn't really matter, but he was the minority opinion. This actually made sense as all the other members actually played instruments, so they probably had some kind of musical integrity they wanted to uphold, whereas Scorpius had ulterior motives to which he found song lyrics irrelevant, and he hated when things didn't go his way.

"Songs about making potions are fine! Everyone makes potions, it's universal, we will be making connections with our brethren." Scorpius thought he had made an excellent point, but the three boys around him looked like he was about to get a beating.

"Yes, Scorpius, potions are universally stimulating to people's emotions. Unfortunately, that emotion is most definitely hatred."

About this time their groupies must have felt their input was desired (which was completely not the case) and they all expressed their unanimous agreement with the previous statement and Scorpius seethed. He probably would have caved to good reason, after all, he knew that his band mates knew a lot more about music than he did (and ever would) but he was absolutely not doing anything the groupies thought were a good idea. Absolutely. Not.

x x x

It was a day before their first concert and Albus and Scorpius were eating breakfast and going over the final details of tomorrow's performance. All the songs had been written, Scorpius had put together an outfit for everyone, and the female population of Hogwarts was quite excited. Everything was seemingly in order, yet, Scorpius was dissatisfied.

Scorpius had suddenly become concerned with putting on a really amazing show. He had all the seeds planted for stealing everyone's attention, but if tomorrow's show was in anyway boring he knew all would be lost and everyone would once again be talking about Quidditch twenty four hours a day.

He was attempting to brainstorm at breakfast, but Al was being absolutely unhelpful.

"I think you guys are going to do really well tomorrow. Just do it like you do in practice and I think everyone will have a good time."

"No! I think we need some kind of trademark if we're going to be really memorable."

"A trademark?"

"You know, something we are known for doing at shows, so people will want to see us over and over and over again." Scorpius didn't really care about getting famous anywhere but right within Hogwarts, but he needed to accomplish at least that. "15 years ago you could just make out with your bassist and the ladies would go crazy for you, but that doesn't work any more." Scorpius had been researching bands, this was a completely true fact. "Actually, it probably still does work but my bassist is Lanky Franks! He's quite talented but I'm not going to make out with him. He's in Hufflepuff."

"Lanky Franks?"

"It's Frank! Frank Longbottom!" Sometimes Albus was so slow. Good thing Scorpius found it endearing.

"Yeah, I figured as much, but why the hell would you change his name to something so-"

Scorpius cut him off before Albus found himself at the business end of Scorpius new microphone. "Frank Longbottom is not the name of the creative genius/bassist of my band, so I changed it to Lanky Franks. I'm pretty sure he really likes it."

x x x

Scorpius had said he wasn't going to make out with Frank, but they totally did. Multiple times. He had also been one hundred percent right, the girls did go absolutely insane.

Albus kind of understood. That song about making potions had really sucked. They were going to get laughed at and ridiculed for the rest of their lives because of it. Then to make matters even worse, Scorpius had begun the next song and it had turned out to be about pumpkin juice. Desperate times had called for desperate measures, and at the moment the first Jelly Slug was hurled onto the stage in protest, Scorpius had grabbed Frank by the shirt and pressed their mouths together. Everyone cheered extremely loudly, and Albus was pretty sure no one even remembered the last (truly atrocious) lyric "Polyjuice may change the shape of my body, baby, but it doesn't change the beat of my heart."

Albus was kind of pissed off, anyway, and he wasn't sure exactly why. He was angry because Scorpius was so stubborn and if he had just changed the damn lyrics to the songs, this making out with the bassist stuff would have never happened. Albus really wished it had never happened. He wished this for a full ten minutes before he had the realization that maybe it was kind of weird to wish for something like that, so he stopped. Or, at least, he tried.

x x x

Scorpius was really happy. Really, really happy. So happy, that he promised the band he would write all new lyrics for every song, and not a single one of them would include a potions metaphor.

He had just had so much fun. It was miserable at first, but once he started making out with Frank, everything had gone superbly. The audience loved it, and Scorpius kind of loved it as well. Making out with Frank had turned out to be all sorts of unexpected fun and Frank was also happened to be rather good looking. Almost as good looking as Albus.

When that thought made its debut in Scorpius head, he kind of lost his breath for a moment. Suddenly, forty other thoughts decided to make their entrance all at once and Scorpius panicked. A moment ago he had been the happiest he'd even been in his life and about to enjoy what would undoubtedly be one of the most amazing parties he'd ever been to since starting Hogwarts and now he was really confused and having a sexual identity crisis. Actually, Scorpius wished he were confused and having a sexual identity crisis. In reality, he was thinking way too clearly and knew with a doubt he was one hundred percent gay for his best friend.

It was all just really obvious, at the moment. Utmost Annoyance with anyone who got too close to Al? Check. Disinterest in females? Check. Going to ridiculous measures to ensure Al paid attention to him and only him at all times? Double super check (he'd started a band and put on a show and worn really tight pants and foregone any shirt at all and, oh, Merlin's balls, how could he have not realized earlier?!).

Ugh.

Scorpius was going to have to forego the party. He had a lot of angst to sort through.

At least, now, he had the mental turmoil that was a prerequisite for the inspiration to write really deep lyrics.

x x x

Scorpius wrote two songs that Night of Fateful Realizations. They were really good. He knew that the first thing he did the next morning would have to be locating the headmaster and setting up a big end of year show. It would have to be the very last day, because Scorpius couldn't bear to hang around if things didn't go as he had hoped.

Scorpius had to write other lyrics after that, as the band refused to even mention any of their old songs. But because his life had suddenly gotten so difficult with the whole in-love-with-your-best-friend-thing he was actually a very talented lyricist.

Often he would have to write decoy lyrics for band practice. Or just mumble in certain revealing places, with a lot of promises to the band that everything would come together in time. His decoy lyrics were really clever. Always about girls and taking off their clothes and general merriment, he was pretty sure he had everyone fooled.

What was really amusing was that he had everyone fooled even though he and Frank would hold hands walking down the hallway, and make out in front of huge crowds of squealing girls. Frank actually was straight, but it was totally cool for a lead singer and his bassist to engage in this sort of activity. Scorpius knew. He'd done his research.

No one even talked about Quidditch anymore. Well some people did, but not any girls. All any girl cared about was getting pictures of Frank and Scorpius together all over the school and interpreting their body language, or trying to extrapolate hidden meanings from any word they uttered. Scorpius was pretty sure their were some pretty illicit stories about them going around the school, but it didn't really matter. He and Frank were just having fun and doing what was best for the band. Frank was probably going to get married someday, but Scorpius would always be able to relish in the fact that they had become famous even before anyone had heard them perform a single decent song. Fools!

x x x

Albus wanted to kill someone. Someone named, stupidly, Lanky Franks. He had completely ruined his best friend. He and Scorpius were together at all hours of the day and they were always touching and it drove Albus absolutely crazy.

Albus wished he were upset that he had won the House cup for the sixth year in a row and he had only gotten congratulations from a few boys in his year, but that was hardly even a concern on his radar at the moment.

Every time Scorpius and Frank kissed, Albus had unwelcome feelings of rage. He almost wished it were some kind of latent homophobia. That would be so much better. Instead, all he felt was the overwhelming desire to hurl Frank across the room and then promptly finish what Frank had begun.

Albus had kind of always worried a little that he had never wanted to date any of the girls who showed so much interest. He was always able to write it off to it not being the right girl until he saw his best friend being ravaged by a boy with way too blue eyes and no muscles at all. Then he knew why and he didn't have any idea what to do about it.

x x x

The last day of school came. The weather was beautiful and the Quidditch pitch had been converted into an arena and the stands were full of people yelling Scorpius' name. He loved the irony. He also felt like he was going to throw up.

First they played "Party Until All Your Clothes Are On The Floor" and it was a huge hit. It was happy and upbeat, and everyone absolutely loved the subject matter. They played all the songs they had perfected. Everyone cheered raucously. Scorpius was elated.

That was, until it was time for the encore (Scorpius had counted on there being on encore to enact his plan, but once they walked off stage a part of him hoped the crowd wouldn't want one so he could chicken out -- but that was foolish because their band was totally amazing). Scorpius swallowed and informed the band what two songs they would do. The band seemed confused, and rightly so. The two songs Scorpius had requested were the ones that were truly excellent pieces of music, but, unfortunately, didn't have any words. Scorpius told them to shut up and play. He knew the words, and as the singer, that's what mattered.

The first song was called "Thanks, Frank, For Letting Me Make Out With You." It was a song about how making out with Frank is a truly enlightening process and how everyone should try it at least once. Everyone loved it and after it was over Scorpius made out with Frank for (what he knew to be) the very last time.

The final song was called "I Advise You Not To Fall In Love With Your Best Friend Because I'm Afraid It Might End Really Badly." This song was for Albus. Albus was actually backstage, so it's not like Scorpius could look at him in the crowd and serenades him or anything cheesy like that, but he knew he was listening. The lyrics for this song weren't clever, or amusing, like most of Four Houses Under One Roof's other songs. They were just sincere. Scorpius was pretty sure everyone was going to hate it, but he didn't care. It was the best song he'd ever written.

He was wrong, though, and for once he was really happy about that. When the song was over everyone was on their feet and cheering and screaming just like after all the others. That was fine by him, but he didn't really care after he felt a tap on his shoulder and turned around to find Albus on stage with him. He was pretty sure the crowd started to scream for them to kiss, but who cared what those idiots thought because they were totally going to do it anyway.


End file.
